snoop updizzle yo, someone's telling porkies!

snoop missed the thursday concert in jo'burg.
in case you didn't read yesterday's post and you're too lazy to read it now:
snoop was arrested at london's heathrow airport under dubious cicumstances.
original reports that he was trying to get his entire mob (bodyguards etc) into a first class lounge. since they weren't all first class they were refused and violence ensued (seven police officers with cuts and bruises, one with a fractured hand).
so the snoop group (snoop hisself and five others) ended up cooling their heels in holding.

iol has another report today which claims that the whole thing was outrageous and unfair.
  1. the report is all from one witness.
  2. snoop is portrayed as a complete gentleman, not like a man arreted for multiple crimes including drug dealing, drug possession, possession of an illegal firearm, and accessory to murder. (he was found guilty fo many of those crimes too).
  3. the police are portrayed as acting (and i quote) "like the Gestapo."
  4. this alleged witness person seemed to have overheard the entire conversation between security and snoop in spite of the dozen or so bodyguards surrounding the (silent c)rapper.
  5. the witness states (again i quote): "I boarded before Snoop and his entourage, and when they arrived at the boarding gate, they were not allowed to. I do not know what the reason was, because I was already on the plane."
  6. the police say the group got violent
  7. the witness spends two (admittedly short) paragraphs complaining that they were delayed because they had to remove snoops luggage, and the witness's luggage was accidently removed too.
what fantastic hearing you must have mr witness. you are able to hear an entire conversation in a busy airport terminal, through a bunch of security guards while being on a plane next to the airport!
even if you were still boarding while the whole thing started, the group would have been taken aside by security (hence further away from the witness) and mr witness would be having to produce tickets and whatnot before walking down the long corridor to the plane.
having been on a plane a few times before i can state the following as a fact: no matter how loud the argument in the terminal you CANNOT hear it from the plane.

and do you think we're gullible enough to believe snoop would simply as an innocent "what's up?" when approached by a security guard wanting to have a word with him? a far more believable statement would be "bite me you fucking punk-assed, bitch, pig wannabee." possible with an optional "yo!"
oh yeah... by the way (mr lying shitrag witness [in my opinion]) if the police were indeed acting like the gestapo, dont you think they would have arrested all 35 of the snoop group and not just 6?

and this little snippet of quote reveals a couple of things too:
"...and he [snoop] was getting angry, you know." (talking about snoop's reaction to security giving him grief).
well mr witness... would you like to add a "yo my nizzle" to the end of that sentence?
so by your own admission, snoop was getting ready to rumble. and the resulting injured police officers are in no way proof that prehaps snoop deserves to be in jail... again?

i think our alleged witness has a couple of issues with the fact that our esteemed criminal rapper (maybe the "silent c" stands for criminal?) was detained. mr alleged witness sure did seem to be steamed about the 2 hour delay to remove snoops luggage. and i'd also be really pissed if my luggage had accidently been removed because it was labled as belonging to snoop group and left in london... hmmm... wait a moment: a completely independent witness defending snoop and portraying him in the best possible light, a witness who managed to overhear the entire conversation between snoop and security, a witness who's luggage was packaged with the snoop group's!
hmmm.... mr alleged witness... your objectivity is under question... you wouldn't happen to have had a ticket to that concert that snoop missed?
or maybe you were meant to make sure he got on stage safely? *cough*bodyguard*cough*

anyone else find the second report a bit dodgy?
(can you say "media spin?")


public hizzle todayizzle gangstizzle, yo.

so i'm up at varsity on this public holiday (here in south africa) to do a little work on my comsci pracs before the deadlines begin to loom (and i do hate a looming deadline).

while there's not much happening i did stumble accross this article at iol.co.za and it made me laugh.
apparently snoop doggy dogg (the 'c' in rap is silent) has been arrested, at london's heathrow airport, on charges of "violent disorder and affray."
basically the fucker tried to use his "gangsta street cred (yo)" to get his dozen bodyguards into the british airways' 1st class lounge.
only problem is that not all his bodyguards had 1st class tickets, so they got refused. (the americans don't like posh and becks so why should the british like snoop?)

just a quick backround insertion here: this is the same snoop dogg that has been arrested multiple times... convicted for trying to sell cocaine, suspended sentence for illegal firearms possesion, arrested as an accomplice "after-the-fact" in a murder for which he was later acquitted, fined for marijuana possesion... etc..

so what is the response of this *begin sarcasm* perfectly reasonable and gentlemanly group of upstanding citizens *end sarcasm* upon half of their party rightfully being refused entry into the 1st class lounge?
they start throwing bottles of whiskey on the floor and then begin arguing with a clerk at a duty free store... wtf?
i bet the whiskey came from the store and they refused to pay for what they broke in their childish little hissy-fit that would have gotten them into clubs in america but had the british calling the police.
anyway... the police pitch up and the moronic snoop group get violent!
seven police officers suffered minor injuries (cuts and bruises) and one suffered a fractured hand.

but 21 bobbies is nothing to sneeze at. (i really hope they used a liberal dose of "SHUT-THE-FUCK-UP!" *whack with truncheon* "YOU-CAN'T-EVEN-SING!" *whack* "YOU'RE-NICKED-SON!" *whack*)
so the entire group gets arrested and are being held in two west london police stations.
the best thing about this: snoop was at the airport to catch a plane to south africa. uk has taken one for the team. hopefully his concert here will get cancelled.
what a bunch of dumbasses.
seriously. your gangsta shit is a fucking joke.

man i hate the whole gangsta crap image that all the stupid kids seem to love nowday.
and it seems all the "heros" *cough*dickheads*cough* of gangsta rap are all "playas" and "for the ladies" and have all served prison time.
i would be willing to bet cash that while in prison the same morons were having their "shit pushed in" or "pushin the love cushion" of their cellmate.
of course all their fans would refuse to believe that... i'm sure all nice gansta rappers are misunderstood gentlemen that were falsely accused of killing and raping people and were unlucky in trial because their lawyers were bought out by "the man."
and since they're such nice people they all get sent to a special rapper's prison where they also imprison female nymphomanics for being too hot.
and if you believe that you deserve to get shot in the face.
you may survive.
one gangsta did... what's his name? half-dollar? loose change? oh yeah... fiddy... fifty cent (about fifty cents short of a dollar in my opinion) took a few shots to the face.
he's also served prison time for numerous run-ins with the law over cocaine possession, heroin possesion, and dealing, as well as illegal possesion of firearms.
i bet he took a few more shots to the face in prison.
with those muscular arms i bet he can row real well.
he still has a bullet fragment stuck in his tongue whish is why he sounds slurry like he's permanently drunk (that and he's probably permanently drunk).

the real farty cent (courtesy of the smoking gun) after being arrested for peddling crack and heroin:

dumbasses... all of them moronic fucking dumbasses!


anniversary of disaster

i didn't realise it until i stumbled across an article on iol..
today (wednesday, 26th of april 2006) is the 20 year anniversary of the chernobyl disaster.
i looked up the incident on www.chernobyl.info and this is what happened:

on the night of the 25th april 1986 a crew began a test run on reactor 4 of the chernobyl nuclear power station.
they planned to see if the turbines could keep the coolant pumps running long enough while waiting for the emergency diesel generators to kick in.
to prevent interruption of the test, all of the safety systems were deliberately switched off.
to initiate the tests the power levels needed to be decreased to 25%.
something went wrong and the power levels dropped to 1%.
30 seconds after the test began an unexpected surge was encountered and a chain reaction started. since the safety systems were disabled the emergency shutdown failed (if it hadn't it would have halted the chain reaction).
at 1:23.44 am the reactor blew and blasted off it's 1,000 tonne sealing cap.
temperatures of 2,000 degrees celcius resulted in feul rods melting and the graphite cover of the reactor catching fire, creating an inferno which sucked radioactive materials into the atmosphere.
100 times more radiation than the bombs dropped over hiroshima was released.
about 135,000 people had to be evacuated from the surrounding area.
people trying to fight the blaze were fried on the spot by gamma radiation.
many firefighters and engineers at chernobyl died.
the reactor is currently enclosed in a concrete casing known (aptly) as the sarcophagus. the sarcophagus was meant to be a short-term fix and currently another casing (a 20,000 tonne structure) is planned to be completed in 2008 and should safely contain the reactor for another 100 years.

there are some pictures of chernobyl (some of which are in this post) by Waclaw Gudowski available through this link.

elena (the kid of speed) likes to ride her motorbike around the area and has some interesting facts on here page (available through this link.)
apparently a radiation level of 500 roentgens in 5 hours is fatal to a human (not counting cancer and whatnot), but it takes about 2.5 times that amount to kill a chicken, and over 100 times that to kill a cockroach.
some places around the reactor after the explosion were measuring 3,000 - 30,000 roentgens. your average european city has a background radiation of about 20 micro-roengens (20/1,000,000 of a roengen).
interestingly enough the roads in the area are in very good condition (no traffic) and since radiation lies in the soil and plants, not the asphalt, the radiation levels in the middle of the road are not too bad. they double at the edges of the road and are 4 or 5 times higher 1 meter off the road though.

one final link to another information site which has some news coverage in realplayer format (haven't tried it myself): www.chernobyl.co.uk

this is the sort of thing that reminds engineers why safety is important.
i'm not normally the one to rant things like "this should always be remembered to remind us..." but i think this should.
but remember: the lesson here isn't nuclear power is bad, the lesson here is that safety is paramount. it doesn't matter what it is, if it explodes then safety is an issue. surprisingly the immediate deathtoll of this incident was actually very low (however cancer is a slow killer).
for a non-nuclear accident to illistrate this point even more, look at the disaster at bhopal, india. again safety systems had been neglected and ignored (they ignored the warning light and pressure gauges) resulting in 27 tonnes of a deadly gas (methyl isocyanate) leaking out over a sleeping city. people were killed while they lay asleep in their bed. the immediate deathtoll is estimated around 4,000 people. more than 120,000 people are still suffering concequences from breathing in the gas.
find more information on bhopal through this link, this link, and this link.
remember: safety is important!
the sarcophagus at chernobyl.


forking children, proven by hippy bullshit (tm)

so we're at moonflake's folks' place on sunday and her sister's hippy boyfriend is there. now he's a nice enough guy except he's been indoctrinated into the whole hippy thing by his hippy parents.
talking about anything medicinal or scientific is like trying to convince a devout chrisitian zealot that the world is a big cosmic joke and the real "man behind the scenes" is actually a giant pink elephant named borris who has a liking for vodka, russian communists, and being mistaken for god.
so he makes a typically hippy statement:
"in the past doctors had supreme power, but nowdays that power's being taken away from them which is arguably a good thing."
lets just slice this little (crap) argument into its components shall we:

firstly: to prevent commiting the fallacy of "guilty by association" please disregard the fact that the statement comes from a hippy.

note the use of the word "arguably." obviously he's trying to sound philisophical and also show that he's open minded to the fact that there could be another opinion. of course if you disagree then you must be taking the stricter, less open-minded side right? crap!
his argument is full of argumentative errors (highly un-philisophical) and supporting the other side is simply a matter of preference (some may say intelligence, but for the purpose of analysing its just preference).

the statement "something had supreme power and now it doesn't." sounds very good. people don't like things that have supreme power over them (except for the religious who like the safety of their decisions not being their own... but that's an entirely different discussion). but when you look at what that something is, doctors, you realise that he's talking complete shit!
doctors used to have a lot of say over your health (and still do) simply because they spend their lives studying the subject. the application of their help is still up to you. you can always not take what has been prescribed (and you could have refused to "let two leeches disolve under your tongue and call back in the morning" back in the olden days).
in addition: back in the olden days (when he claims doctors had supreme power) there was even more bullshit remedies from housewives and protohippies (what i like to name the precursor to hippies. you know: old hags that smelled bad and lived in the woods alone, prescribing treebark and potions made of worms to their "patients").
so the "supreme power" was always split between the two (and back in the day people trusted doctors less than they trusted the protohippies).
but you could always choose to have a stiff drink and hope the gangrene went away on its own... so ultimately the patient had the power.

as for power being taken away from doctors being a good thing: bullshit!
doctors do need to be monitored to prevent god complexes and those wacky nazi-style experiments involving needles, the spine, and injecting things. and guess what: the doctoring profession is self regulating.
doctors understand that if a patient trusts the proffession then they are more likely to accept help from the proffession and more good can be done!
of course the argument is hinting at that power being given over to "alternative" (read "untested and untrustworth" and add a liberal dose of "snake oil" for good measure) medicines.
obvious reasons dictate that that is not a good thing. no alternative medicine is scientiffically proven. all of it is proven with anecdotal evidence and a special brand of quantum mechanics (i like to call it quantum mechanics for hippies... it takes real quantum mechanics and ignores it. in stead it uses a bastardisation of schrodinger's cat to prove things, as far as i can tell).
if an alternative medicine really worked it would be tested and accepted, thusly not making it alternative anymore.
(maybe that's why the hippies are keeping their medicines a secret. not because they don't really work, but because they afraid of becoming "mainstream" and being seen as a sell-out by their friends?)

so basically i can condense his argument into the following statement:
"complete shit, crap, bullshit!"
ergo: shut your stinking, hippy, vegetable hole and think before making a stupid statement. especially when its aimed at someone who actually thinks.

its like there's some hippy textbook out there that teaches hippies to believe a small set of (stupid and easily disproved) opinions, hate the FDA, become a vegetarian, and to ignore any kind of proof that disproves a "radical" belief.

a hippy is more likely to believe a channeled atlantean scientist who says "moss covered treebark is a wonderfull antiseptic. i can prove it with quantum mechanics." than an actual scientist who has to remove their gangrene infested arm and tells them that prehaps introducing dirt and bacteria to their blood supply was not the smartest thing they've done in their lives.
This statement highlights 2 things:
1) hippies are really closed minded. they don't accept anything that counters their "alternative" beliefs in spite of their calls for open-mindedness from others.
2) doctors are fallible like all humans are. that probably was the smartest thing that hippy has done his entire life.

DISCLAIMER: the above example is a fictional story created to highlight some points of my argument. you can tell its ficticious as no hippy would go to a real doctor. they'd probably just take some coloidal silver to stave off infection (*cough*bullshit*cough*).

i think that all "alternative" remedies that have no scientific proof (and that includes all those "food supplements" that are only labled as such because the hippies can't get permission to call them medicine) must be labled: "proven by hippy bullshit (tm)"
and if they ever claim "proven with " then they should have to produce papers that have been submitted to bone fide scientific journals (not hippy journals) and those papers have to have been accepted and published. otherwise they get the lable "proven by hippy bullshit and covered in unscientific lies. probably harmful! (tm)"

i wouldn't find hippies so bad if they actually were open minded and used their brains to question things and decide on things for themselves. the problem is that they all spout the same arguements that have been disproven hundreds of times, yet they still refuse to believe that they could be wrong.
refuse to believe in the possibility that there is a probability that they may be incorrect.
stupid hippies!

in a complete side whatsits:
i realised that computer scientists must hate children.
while sitting in my comsci lecture today i pieced the pieces together.
creating a new process thread in a program is called forking. the new thread is called a child thread. when a thread completes you kill it.
when assigning resource to another process/client and that process/client dies, the resources are refered to as an orphan. it is encouraged to constantly seek out orphans and free up the resources.
so basically, in computer science it is common practice to:
fork children then kill them, and seek out orphans and eliminate them.

gaming news:
castlevania: portrait of ruins pictures (not many) at the magic box.
techeblog says that its expected in november 2006 and there will be two player characters to switch between and more powerfull summmon attacks to use on the 100+ different enemies and "massive bosses" all in new locations such as "the desert and Misty Town."


ears broken :( copyright ! and robots at the end (on top of the skantily clad lady)

angry 365 days a year rants about hippies today.
hippies suck!
thought i should link to him since i've begun to read his blog since moonflake told me about it. he does a good (and funny) rant.
his site is very pink though. it is a little disturbing.

my headphones broke yesterday :(
they were cool sony headphones that came with my discman many years ago.
the left channel started going wonky and then cut out.
further examination (pushing the little boot back) resulted in the discovery of a sealed jack with tiny holes where the wires go in... or at least where a wire goes in and a wire doesn't anymore.
i like sony products.
they may have made some mistakes in the past... (like that whole root kit copy protection thing that happened a while back, and barbra streisand)
they may be more expensive than other alternatives...
but they also do some things right... (like system of a down, vaio laptops, playstation, and walkmans)
and but they really do bring out a quality product.
(and sometimes they bring out something kinda odd...)
anyway... if i could afford it most of my consumer electronics would be sony!

i was going to do a piece on copyright law today... i even started to read up on it all and everything. it was going to be a cogent and well organised essay looking at copyright law and the implications in our lives...
the problem is that its an ultra boring subject once you get started.
so here a a few quick points:
important: copyright differs from country to country! the following points seem to be fairly consistent, but that doesn't mean they apply in your area!
  • copyright law differs from country to country although some sort of international control is attempted.
  • copyright lasts for ages and ages.
  • you may sell copyrighted materials on (eg: secondhand cds and software) as long as you do not keep a copy.
  • you may back up (archive) software as long as you are the legal owner and you destroy / delete the backups when you get rid of the software.
  • to have a backup you must be in possesion of the original. ie: if the cd breaks, put it in a plastic bag and keep it in the box!
  • the backup clause does not extend to music.
  • you may not mp3 a cd for your own personal use even if you own said cd.
  • the previous point seems to be in contention as there is normally a "fair use" clause in a country's copyright laws and people, especially in the USA, claim that this is fair use. it seems that (in the USA at least) the practice of "format-shifting" is being seen as fair use.
  • similarly you may not copy a cd to a tape so that you can listen to it in your car.
  • copyrights need to be explicitly given away and don't get lost if a company doesn't try to actively enforce them.
  • copyright infringement is normally a civil case, but some places have a felony limit that turns the crime into a criminal case if its over a certain monetary value of infringement.
  • copyrights are different to trademarks and patents and should not have their laws confused. (they can be similar but the laws are sometimes completely different).
  • do not go to finland! they have some ultra-nasty laws about copyrights.
if you're really interested in finding out more do a google search.
i found a little info at Brad Templeton's page titled 10 myths about copyright explained.
i found a little more on a new zealand page about the subject.
there is another page dealing with digital music (in the states).

of course there could be a whole discussion (as i've mentioned before) about the legal vs moral / ethical issues on the subject.
a company could be ethical and still hold copyrights since infringement is a civil case thing... but it gets tricksy and the areas tend to be grey...
if you really want to get into that you'll need to bring me a box of cigarettes and a couple of 2l coke cokes, find me in the right mood, and be prepared to discuss for a (possibly looooong) while.

and now everyone's favourite: fighting robots!!!!
i found a site called robot dreams that has some writeup about a japanese (i think) show that had a section on fighting robots. it looks awesome. kinda like the ones that the uk seem fond of, except it seems to be kids and the robots are bipedal and don't look lie a nipple-pierced, silver breast on wheels.
they have some WMVs of the fight to download...
looks very cool.

and now for the promised scantily clad lady...


hey man check at me rocking out...

so i joined al lowe's cyberjoke 3000 mailing list the other day.
the joke quality is straight out of liesure suit larry 3... you know, the bit in the comedy club where the guy tells hundreds of kinda funny, kinda lame, mostly entertaining jokes.
but he also normally sends some interesting links with the jokes.
today's link is awesome.
they offer old radio shows in mp3 format for free download.
they even have that old classic "who's on first."
unfortunately varsity seems to block mp3 downloads :(
go thank al lowe by joining the cyberjoke 3000 mailing list
(you don't need to join yahoo groups... you can just sign up for the mailing list)

as for a little gaming news:
the magic box has a few pictures of a new metal slug game heading for the playstation 2.
"another one?" you may be thinking. "what makes this newsworthy?" i hear you cry, gnashing your teeth in misunderstanding and anguish...
well... how about a totally 3D metal slug?
i'd heard rumours, but they were all over a year old and i passed them off as a photoshopper's pipe dream (or closet fantasy).
but it seems to be true :) a full 3D metal slug!
if that doesn't tickle your fancy (float your boat, peel your bananam whatever) then you obviously aren't interested!

talking about gaming...
i haven't really mentioned one of my intrests on this blog, but if you know me you probably know i have a bit of a fixation on abandon games.
abandon games are basically games that have been abandoned by the copyright holders. some particularly nice companies (like rockstar games who allow you to download GTA and GTA2 for free) actually release their old games into the freeware domain. free to download and enjoy. unfortunately some companies keep their money-grubbing talons firmly embedded into their aging software, trying to wring the last few cents out of the nostalgia factor.
but mostly old games just get forgotten about and the companies don't really care about them anymore. they are still copyrighted, but the companies don't enforce said copyright and the games are effectively "abandoned."
some people claim that abandon games are free and legal.
they should be, but unless the company actually releases the copyright, or the copyright expires (and i don't believe any have yet... copyrights last for ages) you can still be nailed for copying the games. most companies could be bothered though. most companies don't even remember what DOS was and if it isn't hitting their latest titles or their budget wares then they abandon following it up.
anyway.. that's just an informative sidetrack.
guess what i found while visiting my parents' place last night...
well go on, guess...
you got the answer in your mind?
i found my old original copies of duke nukem 3D, doom II, alien vs predator, GTA (and london mission disk), and tomb raider revelations.
I also have the quake 3 (not really abandoned) originals somewhere, and ufo: enemy unknown (also known as xcom).
unfortunately my quake and quake2 disks are missing :( although i do still have the boxes. and my descent 2, syndicate wars, and syndicate disks and boxes are gone :(
i also have the originals of DOS 6.22 and the manual.
(i need to back those up).
apparently sierra have the liesure suit larry collection and space quest collection out for sale which include pretty much everything involved with those titles.
man i'd love to get my hands on those... but i haven't seen them anywhere in this country (and i do keep my eye out for them).

if abandon games intrest you here are some links:

getting them to run can be really difficult. DOSbox is a great DOS emulator (or
virtual DOS machine). it gets most things running.

a nice frontend to simplify DOSbox (for all you non-DOS literate people) is available, called Dfend.

another nice little program to get all the SCUMM games running (like monkey island, am and max, etc... lucasarts stuff) is SCUMMVM.

an alternative to the above is to use window's native virtual dos machine. since it isn't purpose built for gaming it isn't the best, but it can run a surprising amount... but you'll need some DOS sound emulation. and VDMS provides, emulating a soundblaster in the virtual dos machine.

a nice frontend for window's virtual DOS machine is called abandon loader. basically it just makes running the things a little easier.

1up.com has a nice little feature called freeloader that finds and reviews freeware games (including abandon games that have been released). the link is about half way through the series. just hit the archive link and find what you want.

a good abandon site called abandonia has plenty to look at and download and also have all sorts of game manuals and midi files, and usefull utilities. they also have links to various other abondon sites.

abandonia's sister site abandonia reloaded is a freeware games site with plenty to look through and download.

another nice abondon site is abandoneer. they have a nice little selection and links to other sites.

and finally: the abandonware blog. a recently started blog looking at the abandon scene and doing reviews and links and whatnot.

now that is a wealth of resources for you if you're interested in that sort of thing.
don't say i never gave ya nuffink!


insomnia: meet couch and tv. couch and tv: meet insomnia.

somehow, in spite of my fatigue, i seem to get a sort of second wind before i manage to get to bed. last night i finally crawled into bed and began to doze, only to not actually fall asleep for an hour or two. i ended up lying there thinking up all sorts of cool ideas that insomnia later robbed me of.
eventually i reconvened to the couch and watched a little tv. only problem is that at about 2am there is nothing but crud on tv.
and even dr. phil talking about some uncontrolled brat (who obviously needed ritilan, a swift swipe upside the head, and a firm "NO!") couldn't push me over into oblivion.
it eventually took most of some ancient film about land claims, forestry, and romance to knock me out.
strange how even though you're awake you can't concentrate on anything while trying to go to sleep otherwise you simply wake up.
(hence the reason why i didn't go play some games and the reason why the description of the merciful film sounds so odd)
i woke up this morning at 6-something and moved back to bed.
of course when morning comes all thoughts of not being able to sleep are thrown out of the window and waking up becomes a real problem.
was almost late for my first lecture.
it was boring.
even the lecturer admitted it.
but he's covering it for completeness so that he doesn't need to remember that he left a section out when it comes to setting exams.

so the zuma trial...
what a croc of shit!
they had that stupid YOU agony aunt (louise olivier) giving testimony for zuma's side (they must be getting desperate) because she has some apparent psycho-whatsits papers.
so she testifies that the "freeze" response is unnattural and indicates that the woman that says zuma raped her is lying. she also claimed all sorts of other kak.
during cross examination it comes up that just a short while ago the stupid -crazy-hippy-bitch-looking-lying-sack-of-shit-moron (YOU columnist for short) told a woman that the "freeze" response is a perfectly normal response to have during a sexual assault.
how much money is she being paid to lie?
and she is obviously lying to someone... either the response is normal or it is not. simple logic. claiming both statements is a dichotomy since the one is a negation of the other. therefor: to claim both statements means you must lie at least once!
(and she does look like a crazy hippy bitch)
interestingly enough: while the news was reporting this lie last night, iol makes no mention (that i found) about it. i would think that that was a pretty newsworthy item... "lier on stand for zuma's defence" is the sort of headline i'd use.
but i did spot a small bit of text "here" which i will quote for you... remember: olivier is on the stand to discredit the accuser:
"Although Olivier attended the complainant's evidence and cross-examination, it remains unclear whether she will be called to challenge Friedman's findings, particularly as she never clinically examined the woman." -iol.co.za
i'll assume she got all her information psychically then?
nothing out of her foul, blackened, two-tongued mouth can be trusted now (not that her advice was any good before). she's proven herself false!
i think she should be fired from YOU magazine.
a proven weaver of untruths cannot be trusted toadvise people looking for council and help.
i think we should e-mail letters@you.co.za and complain!
i'm going to do that!

btw: while looking for the news on this on iol.co.za i accidently clicked the "zuma corruption trial" subheading in stead of "zuma rape trial."
isn't it nice to know that our ex-deputy president keeps current.
politicians in this country really do love the news.

now to lift your spirits after that crapstorm (stupid hippy!) here are a couple of links for you to try out:
remember those motivational posters?
they have some nice photo with a little text at the bottom.
the photo is normally a wildlife shot or something like a close-up of a couple of gears or pencils or something.
the text says stuff like: "achievement: blah blah blah.. something to make you feel good / think about."
well check out this site: www.despair.com
they have much more realistic posters.
i personally like:
It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn't take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face.

and for the second site: the dialectizer
enter some text or put in a url and istantly transform it into redneck...
or elmer fudd, or jive, or moron...
i tried it with my blog... damn thats some funny stuff :)

and thats all for today.


java code burns my eyes (or: whore code and the guy i'm going to kill)

man i need a shower.
as moonflake has said, we spent the long weekend with her family in a small wooden box next to a river.
it was great and relaxing (and i caught a couple of fish).
the only problem was that i needed to finish up some code, and in spite of moonflake's laptop, i needed the internet to solve some problems.
so i've spent most of last night and a large chunk of today sorting out the proxy server that was meant to be handed in this morning.
-10% for a day late i finally handed it in.
problem is this:
my project partner (fucker) for the rmi prac spent the long weekend trying to code his (fucker) proxy server and so he (fucker) didn't complete his (fucker) half of the rmi prac. which means we hand that in tomorrow, as long as he (fucker) finishes it today!
another -10% for lateness (10% per day...)
while i was doing my half of the prac he was surfing the net and saying that he couldn't do the client until the server was completed...
write the damn client, mocking server response, and then when the server is complete you can integrate.
so i lose marks because he fucks around!
man that pisses me off. if he doesn't finish it by tomorrow i'm going to strangle him and hand in the code, cut into his lifeless corpse!
if he had finished the rmi i could have helped him complete his proxy (now that i understand it) and we wouldn't be getting -10% on both pracs.

thats about all i have to say today.
i need to go home and rest a bit...
...and shower. spending large amounts of time in the labs is a bad idea. they still haven't fixed the aircon in here. i'm thinking of bringing an uncooked chicken with me next time i have to code. by the time i code half of it i'll have a nicely roasted meal. i'll just need to remember to take basting breaks.


peeing is the new topic of conversation.

ah yes...
peeing. its one thing we all do yet men seem to have all the fun with it.
and there are so many topics involved.
every guy knows all the tricks about hiding "dribbles":
when washing your hands make sure you flick a little water over the area and surrounds. then don't wipe your wet hands on a towel, use your pants and make sure you leave a visible handprint so that people can see that you didn't pee on yourself but that you used your pants as a towel. a truly manly thing to do!
men don't pee on themselves or use towels!

and then there's urinal fun:
every guy knows the 2 supreme pleasures of the urinal.
1) "the shivers." you know what i'm talking about. you're standing at the urinal doing your business when that little godess of hidden pleasures runs gracefully up your spine resulting in a euphoric quiver often accompanied by half-shut eyelids and sighing.
2) ice! for some reason they put ice cubes in urinals. they probably claim something about cleanliness or some such gumph. the reality is this:
it is fun to melt ice cubes with pee :) really it is.
but with the pleasure comes the danger:
often the ice cubes are cup shaped (probably easier to manufacture in large quantities) and a careless or amatuer ice-pee'er will often hit the cup at the wrong angle and score an "own goal" if you get my drift...
then they've got to use their pants as a towel.

ah yes... urinals.
every man knows the unspoken code.
its kind of like a gentleman's club. i may be hunted down and killed for revealing the secrets of the mens' room, but it must be done (don't ask why).
  • a man shalt never make eye contact with another man while urinal use is in progress.
  • a man shalt never make, erm, eye contact with another man's, erm, soldier while urinal use is in progress.
  • unless the men are good friend a man shalt not distrurb the tranquility of another man by talking to him while urinal use is in progress (exceptions: the annoying guy at work and drunks).
  • a man shalt respect another man's privacy and always use the urinal that is furthest from all other men (while urinal use is in progress).
  • a man shalt never be caught unawares and thus must he always choose a urinal farthest from the door unless this infringes on the privacy of another man (detailed in previous rule) while urinal use is in progress.
  • a man shalt not show weakness and shalt flush only about 1 in 10 times when using a urinal (exceptions: the boss is in the room [probably talking to you while you pee and while he's using his pants as a towel] or a member of cleaning staff is watching you pee).
these are the rules we are born with. these are the rules we live and die by.
its probably why transsexuals aren't fully accepted by society. some keep trying to adhere to the urinal rules when there are no more urinals in their life, others were never born with the rules and are now thrust into a complex society of porcelain and urine.

and since chittychittybangbang told us his story, i guess it only fair to reciprocate and tell my very own "gotta go" story. it is not as funny as his. my tale is a real life and death struggle. it was back in the days when men were men and peeing was important.
there i was. a new recruit... (to the local wargaming club at the local library.)
a fresh young soldier ready to take life by the balls... (and play a few games of warhammer 40k.)
i was young and foolish and reckless back then. i believed i was imortal... (i didn't go to the bathroom before leaving the house.)
it was common amongst us to drink like real men... (we were throwing back the cokes.)
late one afternoon it was just me and the sarge left, all the others were no more... (because we were the only ones to pitch up to play that day.)
we were seriously short of equipment... (schpat had given us the keys to get in but forgot to give us the bathroom keys.)
and then it happened. i had my calling and knew my duties... (my bladder was full and i really had to go.)
but the usual route was insurmountable and i had to find an alternate... (the bathroom was locked and the only other room we could get into was a kitchen.)
there i was, stranded and alone, looking death in the eyes knowing that the enemy could be watching me from anywhere... (standing in the kitchen i realised i could just use the sink, except for the large window that opened out over a public road.)
i needed some form of transport... (i needed some way to get the pee from me to the sink without "direct access".)
and then i laid my eyes upon it. like mana from heaven the answer stood there glistening in the afternoon sun... (i found some empty coffee jars.)
taking my life in my hands i did what i had to do, no matter how i felt... (i peed into the jars, awkward having to hold the item you're peeing into.)
i was running out of resources and needed to reload which seemed to drag out into infinity... (i filled a jar and had to "interrupt the flow" to switch to another jar.)
finally i could deliver the goods... (i dumped the pee down the drain.)
and then i melted back into the shadows as if i'd never been there... (i rinsed out the jars and sink and put everything back where i found it.)
with the mission complete i returned to base camp... (to finish the game.)
and vowed never to be caught so unawares again... (making sure the bathroom keys were always available.)

ah yes... i love the smell of pee in the morning (or something).

and on another topic entirely:
n-philes reports that another castlevania game for the nintendo ds is on its way. konami has released a list of up-and-coming and castlevania: portrait of ruin is on the list. if its anything like the last one it'll be a keeper!

and for those interested in abandonwares: the abandonware blog.
quoted purpose of the site:
"I have hundred of ideas right now but the main thing I'll be trying to do is write reviews and post abandonware-scene-related articles."

if my posts continue in this vein i'm going to lose all my readers... well, all the girly ones anyway.
remember: you're not a man if you pee on yourself, use a towel, or if you don't read this blog... and women: read this blog to ensure you know what your man is really doing in the bathroom when he walks out looking like he's been wrestling an octopuss in the bathtub.


urinal etiquette and women in the military and owls (how's that for a dangling participle?)

inspired by totalwaste's picture on one of his recent posts i got a couple of pics of women in uniform.
btw: if you happen to be using google image search in a public environment (eg: in the university labs) never forget to add -xxx to any and all searches especially when thay have women and/or uniform in the title.
even when safe search is on!
i have noticed that the pic i found of the cute saluting girl is titled israel8.jpg...
i wonder if totalwaste has met her?
(i'm betting he wishes he has ;)

so i walk into the urinal this morning (complete sidetrack) and out of the corner of my eye i spot a dude at the urinals standing as you would (if you were a dude at the urinals).
so i do what any normal guy in the situation does: i don't make eye contact and head straight for the farthest urinal spot on the other side of the room.
now since its easter vac there aren't many people on campus which means its pretty quite.
i begin to (how to put this politely?) drain the main vein, shake hands with the man, shake the snake, go for a squirt, drop a bladder-load, take a slash, paint the urinal, making a sissy, leak the lizard (take your pick), when i notice that there is no sound coming from the other side of the room.
the guy is just standing there in front of the urinal, not peeing.
maybe he got stage fright? maybe he likes the smell of urinal cakes? maybe he just likes to look at his own dick?
most disturbing.
i finished up and got out toot sweet!
(remember: if you shake it more than twice you're playing with it!)

now that i've lost any female readers i guess you can have a picture of an owl.
"why an owl?" you ask: because they're funny!
now go do something constructive and of social redeeming value.
but before you go, a free bonus picture.
the writing translates to: "attention finished charlie" according to google's translator. and i didn't even select german to chingrish.


people all around the world.

i recently put up one of those clustermaps on this site just to see where i was getting hits from. its only been active a couple of days but already there's a few interesting things to note.
in spite of most of my friends living in cape town i'm getting a spread of hits from around the world (ok. my cluster map does not look like a spotty teenager after eating a double cheese pepperoni pizza... like schpat's / moonflake's maps).
now this blog (this may surprise you) doesn't get millions of hits a day. i believe (read: fool myself into believing) that this is because my blog is highly intellectual and requires refined taste and understanding to fully enjoy it.
but then i know some of the people that read it and realise that i'm just not as interesting as the competition :)
but still... red blips from america (can't think who they would be), spain (who do i know in europe? everyone i know there is in uk), israel (*waves to totalwaste*), japan (konichiwa. i don't know who they'd be either), cape town (*waves to friends*) and jo'burg (*waves at chittychittybangbang*).
unless someone is trying to mask their ip to read my blog (maybe i'm unwittingly at the center of some massive spy vs spy secret swapping ring? the comments aren't for me but are coded messages?) i'm getting a diverse set of readers.
well whoever you are: welcome and thank you for reading.
i'll try do my best to keep up the same level of blogging as i always have :)
(pfft. that shouldn't be hard... its not like this is award winning material. i don't even use capitals).

since yesterday's post was so massive today's post is short.

just a quick bit of nintendo ds gaming news:
resident evil: deadly silence should be out in stores here soon (i haven't seen it yet) and is already available from take2.co.za.

on the zombie note:
n-philes report that a new zombie shooter is being developed. its called dead and furious. using the touchscreen they hope to recreate an arcade gun shooter. if they get it right it could be loads of fun :)

anyway. that's all for today.
if you want more finish reading yesterday's post (like anyone could read all that in one sitting.)


pirates and cargo... they steal our phone money.

funny (in the unfunny sense).
just last week moonflake and i were talking with her uncle about cargo containers falling off trucks.
he had recently seen a truck going around a corner when the gigantic container on the back simply fell off.
he was saying "imagine if someone was next to that truck..."
and then there was various talk about containers falling off trucks in this country.
well guess what's in the news today:
a woman has been crushed to death by a cargo container that fell off the back of a truck, and her husband (who was in the passenger seat) has been seriously injured.
turns out the the proper locks and things weren't used, but the container was illegally attached with chains. well that obviously didn't work.
the truck was travelling along the N3/R103 interchange when the container clipped a bridge and came off, killing the poor woman.
what the fuck is wrong with the shipping industry in this country?
trucks are forever in accidents (mostly with taxis).
their cargo is always falling off (and now killing people).
driving long distance always, without exception, has at least one incedence with a truck driver being a fuckwit (like overtaking another truck while there's oncoming traffic... seen that before).
when the new turbine for koeberg arrived they didn't have the cranes to offload it.
who the hell is in charge of all this shit? i'm betting government is to blame again, just like telkom.

talking about government and telkom:
we are getting fucked with high prices because the government holds a 38% share of the monopolistic phone company: telkom!
why would they regulate them and bring down exhorbatent prices when they're getting a fat share of the R30 billion pie. i bet that pie is full of gravy, and we all know politicians in this country get fat on gravy!
did you know that government also owns a share of every single communications provider out there? varying percentages from 5% (mtn i think) to 100% (santek i believe), with most being around the 25-35% range.
carte blanche had a whole thing on it last night.
telkom refused an interview and the smarmy government bitch that they interviewed had pretty much one comment to say:
"on behalf of the south african people." (obotsap)
interviewer: you own 38% of telkom.
government idiot: obotsap
interviewer: and you own (some percentage) of vodacom.
government idiot: obotsap
repeat adnausium, stopping only to change percentages and names.
the moron's other claim was that by having such control over the communications government could effectively use them in a time of crisis.
funny how there is already a crisis department (i forget their name) set up which already has all the legislation in place and has nothing to do with government's communication sector (other than hijacking it when there's a crisis).
funny how the rest of the world doesn't need a stranglehold on the people to warn them of a crisis.
our internet connections are 2000% (two thousand percent) more expensive than most developed countries and 1000% (one thousand percent) more expensive than most developing countries.
and of course you all know the little story about how its cheaper and quicker to fly to hong kong, catch a taxi to the nearest internet cafe, download 100Gb, get back to the airport and fly back to south africa.
more interesting comparisons to point out:
telkom's fastest adsl speeds: 1 Megabyte a second.
hong kong's fastest adsl speed: 1 Gigabyte a second (thats 1024 Megabytes a second).
price to download 100Gb:
telkom: R9146 (excluding line rental)
hong kong: 20 of your fine hong kong dollars (about R17.43 at the internet cafe)
please note: i did not forget to add a "." in telkom's figure. it is nine thousand one hundred and forty six rand excluding line rental!
think about that for a second.
btw: where is the SNO? (second network operator).
will government own a large part of them too?
will they also like to fuck us in the arse as much as telkom enjoys it?
something needs to be done!

i was going to do a whole bit about the dichotomy of big companies complaining about piracy (especially of music) while also providing us with the tech to pirate their stuff. blame telkom for the bad rant as i'm too spent after the telkom rant to do this one justice.
basic points were this:
different departments are involved with the different sides.
both departments need to do well and so need to push their agendas.
piracy is wrong, but so is raping us for the price of music.
piracy is illegal, but massive cd prices isn't (its just immoral).
mp3 players aren't for stealing music, the same argument: poppy seeds aren't for morphine (or whichever drug it is).
if you use the mp3 player for illegal purposes then you're pirating.
if you turn poppy seeds into drugs then you're a druglord.
if you don't pirate mp3s but listen to legit ones then you're all legal.
if you like the smell/sight of a poppy and plant the seeds then you're all legal.
what is the inherant intent behind mp3 players (and cdrw's etc).
do the companies really believe that people are using them legally?
are they just trying to get some cash out of people who probably wouldn't buy their music in spite of the fact that they will now contibute to piracy?
its a very complicated bag of different, clashing schools of thought.
personally i rip only cds i own and that's what i listen to on my mp3 player.
i'm not squeeky clean... but i wash behind the ears.
i know people who will pirate just for the collection of it and don't even listen to what they rip most of the time.
i don't have a problem with them personally.
i haven't really decided my standpoint on piracy yet. there's just too many sides to come up with a firm standpoint that applies across the board.
think on this: what about a friend of mine who had a bunch of cds that he owned and ripped to mp3 so that he could listen to them on his main entertainment system: his computer. someone stole all his cds (in a spectacular cat burglary style: coming down from the roof, onto his flat balcony, in and out with all his stuff, and managing to escape afterwards without killing himself, all 4 floors above the ground). now all he's left with are his mp3s. he paid for his music. some criminal has his cds. who's entiled to listen to the music? he can't prove he owns them (who keeps the till slip for a cd after they've gotten home?). the crim didn't pay for it.
tricky tricky tricky. legaly speaking i think my friend might be in the wrong (unless he did keep the till slips. but i don't think he's that anal). but morally he isn't. he owns a copy of that music (or the rights to listen to that music, or something). he paid for it. surely it doesn't matter what form that music takes?
think on that for a while too.

it's been a philosopher's thinking blog entry today.
hope i didn't hurt your brain.
(telkom rippoff images from here)
edit: telkom rant -> 2000% more expensive than most developed countries, not 2000% more expensive than most developing countries. thanks moonflake for pointing that out :)


weekend funnies

i'm up on campus today doing a little net surfing before my project partner arrives. we decided that programming at varsity would be better because we have net access and we're developing on the machines that we're developing for.
so i arrived early to browse the interweb.
man, downloads are fast on the weekend. its awsome!
anyway... since i'm up here all special like, and i haven't really posted anything of real intrest recently, i've brought up some pictures that i've taken with my phone.
just a few funny ones.
the images are a little big (dimensions not kb).
i would have shrunk them except phone cameras are kak quality (well, mine is) and you wouldn't be able to make out the funny.
i've commented on each pic below the pic.
need a full body message! do they work out muscle tension with morse code? are they tattoo specialists? i didn't take down the number at the bottom so i guess we'll never know. photo taken at adult world's message board (don't ask).
Mr. Fish with a knife. ok. this is more scary than funny. why does mr fish have a homemade knife? why does he look like he's about to shank someone? this is why your mother told you not to trust sailors (and if she didn't then she oughta have). photo taken at a fish 'n chips shop (called mr fish funnily enough).
chingrish warning to peadophiles. this is an actual box for a chinese made pistol (a norinco if i remember correctly). i really admire the chinese for their stand against child abuse. btw: i have seen the same warning on a box of ammo too. photo taken at a gunshop.
and finally we have New SouthAfrican Wildlife. this wonderful creature was spotted resting from the midday heat in the shadow of an alleyway. while we have better pictures of him showing off his brilliant mane of dirty dreadlocks, this picture shows off his grace. even passed out in the gutter he shows us what peotry in motion he is. notice how it looks like he's fallen from the sky to land on the asphalt. unfortunately we do not have recordings of his call: a wonderfull mix of mad shouting and mumbling to himself. if you wish to experience this magnificent species yourself all you need to do is find the right alleyway in claremont, cape town. we've managed to study him in his natural habitat for over a year now and his territory ranges all the way from pick n pay to stadium on main. but be warned: he may look pretty but he is unpredictable and could be dangerous (he may also piss on you if you stand still for too long).

i hope you enjoyed that.
i'm off to download a little more.


not much

not much to say today.
saw corpse bride the other night.
it was fun but very short.
not much else been happening.
realised that i haven't linked to evo.llusion's blog so i corrected that (see side bar as usual).
varsity vac starts today for a week.
got 2 projects to code during the vac and both my project partner and i are going away over easter weekend....
oh... i came up with another shirt idea. it still needs a lot of work and is probably only funny to computer geeks but hey:
bad checksum!
i'm a few bits short of a byte
i never said it would be a good shirt.
that's it for today.
go read someone else's blog.


too tired for a title

the last few days have been exhausting.
been getting too little sleep.
i just spent R730 to purchase 2 (thats right... only two) textbooks.
(the fuckers jacked the prices on the reorders).
i also just handed in an essay that i was completing this morning at 1.
and i just wrote a comsci test.

but on the good side of life:
moonflake and i attended schpat's wedding yesterday.
it was a small affair with only 10 guests (mostly family) in a lovely little getaway upcountry.
everyone was dressed all smart and the entire day was very nice.
there was chocolate with every course of lunch.
the wedding cake was decorated by schpat's mom and had over 1000 small purple icing flowers on it. the food was fantastic.
we wandered the gardens a bit between lunch and tea and schpat harrassed the ducklings (catching one in the process).
it was a lovely wedding and i wish the newlyweds a wonderful long life together.

moonflake and i watched national treasure on sunday.
the dvd is fantastic.
the film is quite fun. its kinda like a more current indiana jones without indy.
it was most enjoyable.
then we found the extras.
while most of the extras are your standard fare (making of etc), you get a bit of puzzle at the end of each.
once the puzzle is solved you get access to even more extras...
and there's another puzzle hidden here.
to get the code required you need to solve a little game where you need to select the right lenses to see some numbers.
i managed to guess it first time :)
(ok... there were only 4 lenses on each side meaning a 1 in 16 chance... but still)
this final bit gives you access to a trivia track on the film.
its probably really fun to watch with the trivia, but we were renting it, it was late, and we were at moonflake's mom's place.
(plus watching the movie again just after watching it is a little too soon for me).

excuse bad blogging for today.
too tired for better.
once again: congrats to the newlyweds.